"I have always relied on the kindness of strangers"

Sounded great when uttered in a Streetcar Named Desire, but I never would have thought it applied to me. I am a Type A control freak who likes to do for myself.  So, it is God's cruel joke that I have a special needs child.  I am no longer in control.  I can't do everything myself.  It has taken a long time for me to realize that when one is offered help, it is no reflection that you are incapable.  We all need assistance along the way.  Never has that truth been blatantly obvious but at my time in Peachtree City.  I am miles away from friends and family, alone with a small child.  When Spencer got sick last week, it busted my little competence bubble.  Pity party- guest list of one.  I realized that while I have many acquaintances here, I have few 'friends'.  Sometimes you need to decompress and let all the negativity out, so you can refresh your outlook.  And there was no one I felt comfortable enough with to let down my guard and be truly vulnerable.  I won't lie; having a child with special needs is hard.  Living away from your spouse and child is hard.  Following the stringent diet, doing therapy, providing support - it is all hard.  And I wouldn't change a thing. I am investing in our future.

I was humbled yesterday at the Brain Balance Anniversary Party.  While my spouse and stepson are a mere 500 miles away, others are here alone with ALL of their children clear across the country from their spouses.  And yet, they seem to have it all together. Sometimes it makes me feel like I am just treading water and barely keeping myself afloat.  

I do have to hand it to my little guy.  He is remarkable.  The progress he has made so far is just incredible.  He is surrounded by such loving, caring individuals that he has just blossomed.  From his school teachers to his Brain Balance therapists, no one is just 'doing a job'.  They all seem really invested in his success.  What an incredible feeling that is!  

I have been reluctant to take Spencer shopping after the last fiasco, where he tried desperately to beat his head against the hard tile floor of the retail establishment.  So, when the choices for breakfast yesterday became starvation, gluten or grocery shopping, bad momma chose gluten.  After going through the McDonald's drive-thru and giving Spencer his pancakes, I was just a little stunned to find them being thrown at me (in the car, mind you).  That's right, he didn't want them.  So we got our grocery list and proceeded to Kroger.  There is a place in heaven for Sherleen, the Kroger employee with an autistic child of her own who helped us out.  Spencer was fine once I got him out of the car, but like any mom of an autistic child, you just keep waiting for the inevitable.  And there in the floral department, Spencer decides to stage a 'sit in'.  He's not moving.  This is when Sherleen steps in.  She helps me get him to the check out, unloads my cart on the conveyor belt and while my purchases are being rung up, she gives me her name, cell number, email and store phone number.  She tells me that if I ever can't get him out of the car, just call the store and someone will bring the few items I need to the car and we can handle the payment in the parking lot.  

And the day got even better from there.  We went to the Brain Balance Anniversary Party.  Spencer had a fabulous time!  He played on the Space Walks and even sampled some new foods.  (Thanks Tammy for the Pumpkin Bread recipe- Spencer LOVED that!) I am feeling a little guilty today because Spencer is back at school and I am enjoying my alone time.  I'll be at the library soon for some more books, got to keep my brain sharp!  My parents will be coming up this weekend for their monthly visit to celebrate Easter and my daddy's birthday.  It will probably rain.  It always does when they come to town.  I am hoping that my hubby and stepson can come visit for the holidays, but I am not sure about Pey's traveling basketball team schedule.  I am going to try my hand at baking my daddy a birthday cake that meets all of Spencer's dietary restrictions.  Hopefully, it won't end up like some of the other things I've made recently- they ended up in the trash :(  

I used to be capable of writing a few paragraphs that were coherent and flowed.  These days, I seem to just type out caffeine fueled 'trains of thought'.  Oh well.  I could sit here all day and make my blog read like a well written prose piece, but I would over-edit and you would lose the feeling I put behind it.